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When Tara Met Blog
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
This is my ...
During the last week alone this has been a topic of conversation among several of my friends, coworkers, etc. What topic? Couples that do not or are afraid to say that they are boyfriend and girlfriend in public, I know several couples that are like this actually, so the below example is definitely not an isolated case.

A guy friend of mine has been seeing this girl for over a year now, well coming up on a year at least. They are exclusive, go out on couple themed holidays and for special events. Yet, he always refers to her as his 'friend' and that's it. When introducing her to people he'll say 'this is my friend Chelsea.' Once he mentioned to me that he and a friend went on vacation the other week, leaving me wondering if he went with a buddy and left Chelsea behind for a guy weekend or if he went with her, but no, turns out she was the friend and they went together. Maybe he doesn't consider her a girlfriend? I don't see how he cannot though. I think parents have been introduced at this point even. Keep in mind he calls me his friend too and we don't sleep together, so how can you distinguish one friend from another when it's all so vague?

My friend (a real one, I'm not inferring anything here ;) was just saying that she could understand if they were just starting to see each other, or if it had only been a few months that they would chose the safe option of saying 'this is my friend..." She thinks the reason for his vagueness is that he does not want people to know that they are intimate and wants to play the field a bit and appear single. Yet, she and the guy she's seeing have not had the talk yet and she'd personally rather not call him her boyfriend.

Do you think it's simpler, more modern or safer to say 'friend' and leave it at that? Maybe he or even her are not comfortable with the bf/gf terms in general? I don't know, but it sometimes brings up more questions for them then it would if they simply admitted that they are an item in the first place.

*sigh* look at all the red tape relationships go through, crazy! And I'm not saying there has to be labels in a relationship to be considered one, I just think the above cases are funny since they have caused speculation and not just by me. I think in most situations though it's like a catch-22, neither seems to want to be the first to call the other person their girlfriend or boyfriend. I know I wouldn't want to be the first to, so I can't really talk. Sorry for the circular post, just thinking and typing, thinking and typing.

Tribeca Review: Al Franken: Godspoke (2006)

Posted by Tara at 9:01 PM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 3, 2006 8:57 AM PDT

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 8:55 AM PDT

Name: AWE
Home Page:

Hmmm. This is strange. It does sound like he is wanting to play the field and not say that he has committed. He may be looking for the BBD(Bigger and Better Deal). I use the term girlfriend quite often even referring to women that I have not slept with or dated. But if I had been dating someone for a year I would make sure to be using the word girlfriend to introduce her.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 12:10 PM PDT

Name: Steve
Home Page:

Maybe I have been married too long to be objective about this subject, but it has come up in my social circles also and I have become very opinionated about it:

I think guys that avoid labels such as GF/BF are just trying to escape commitment. One guy I know in NY often describes casual relationships as "friends with benefits". And what does that mean? To me it means he is sleeping with the girl with no pressure to be in a relationship.

For every guy that avoids labels so that he cannot be held emotionally liable for the relationship - there is a girl that is allowing him to enjoy the fruits without commitment.

I hear about all this and I am so glad I am not on the dating scene. It was tough in the late 80's, but I really think its impossible now.

Great post, by the way.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 6:45 PM PDT

Name: Veronica

I have been faced with this in the last year too. We have a single guy friend who tailgates with us and sometimes stays in our guest room after the games. Well, this year he brought a "friend" to the game. I figured "friend" meant I should get 2 rooms ready. (I am NO prude....I did not mind them sharing a room--but, the way he put it --I figured FRIEND!)

So, when she came out of the guest room WITH him in the AM, I was confused. While she showered--he told me about "Friends with benefits."

I told him that I was glad to be married now.

It is too confusing.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 6:50 PM PDT

Name: Tara

Funny story, thanks for sharing V. So apparently all of my psuedo relationships have been basically "friends with benefits," lol

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 8:20 PM PDT

Name: Jennifer
Home Page:

I'm nearly 32 years old and feel stupid saying 'boyfriend', it makes me feel like a kid. I still say it because it's the truth, but I wish there was a different term. Manfriend sounds even worse.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 11:11 PM PDT

Name: Clementine
Home Page:

wait , maybe this is because I'm french but I don't understand "Couples that do not or are afraid to say that they are boyfriend and girlfriend in public". what is that???
I had similar issues with my (american) bf: do not kiss in public, do not debate (not argue) in public... grrr. cultural issues.

Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 6:22 AM PDT

Name: Tara

How about my 'lover'? or does that just sound dirty? lol

Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 6:26 AM PDT

Name: Tara

Nope you got it right Clementine, it must be an American culture thing I guess. I noticed when I traveled around Europe couples were more open in public. Seeing these couples hand in hand, la vie en rose if you will, definitely made my trips seem more romantic. I also dated a guy here who didn't believe in any public displays of affection, to the extreme though. *sigh*

Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 7:12 AM PDT

Name: April

I think if a guy or a girl starts saying bf/gf they are afraid that the other person is going to get nervous or even feel they have the upperhand. No one wants to be the first to say bf/gf or the first to say the "L" word!

Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 2:00 PM PDT

Name: Ty

I have lots to say about this topic, but will rather do it when i'm at home and have more time to write it out...

Friday, May 5, 2006 - 7:13 PM PDT

Name: Ty

Beware this reply maybe long...

Alright home now from having a wonderful sit down with the Tara herself... and to get straight to the matter at hand... Boyfriend/Girlfriend or Friend...

During the past 3-4 years~ even though Tara says more like 2, which seems right, but than again my sense of time is horrible... Anyways, I've been with this person for a while, we've been living together for a while as well, for about 2 years or 3 years or what ever... but its been a long time.

What I do find interesting is this Thread that Tara made in her blog, because... and here is the kicker, also refers me as "her friend" at times, even her Mother calls me her daughter's "Friend" which I find funny, cause we've been together for a while, went to her parents house and even had weeks and weekend vacation at her lake house. Last summer/fall we even went on a cruise up Canada with her entire family. So again, the word "Friend" I assume comes into play with yes, the Age, she's 30, so as you said before, saying "Boyfriend" sounds childish as if oneself is still in highschool. I think thats where the invisible line is sorta draw. When someone reaches a certain age in their life, they are not looking for a boyfriend... they are looking for someone that is MORE than just a boyfriend/girlfriend, hence the dilemma. At what time(either time in relationship or time in their life) does one go about considering that someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend?

I've also have an example of a co-worker of mine. She's been seeing this person for about 6 years and I believe she said that they didn't or at least from her perspective view themselves as boyfriend or girlfriend till they were like in their second year or so after seeing each other.

*****Lets Start from middleschool and work our way up*****

We've all either "Dated" or seen a type of relationship while we were going through school... I've started with middle school because that's when I believe that most people started "Dating" People were boyfriend and girlfriend after the First Day they asked someone to go see a movie or go to the Ice Skating. W/E the event maybe it happens quick and it fades just as quickly.

As we venture out into Highschool, we develope a better sense of Self but yet affected buy either our peers/parents or what ever the reason maybe or personal choice, our relationship as just as brief for some but for others remains longer. But again, The infamous lable of "Boyfriend or Girlfriend" is tossed in there again right away.

As we get out of highschool>> for some, we enter into College, what I like to remember someone saying about College was>> College = an extension of adolescence. We've grown, mature graduate, but our mental maturity for some however reverts back to highschool, >> the old saying, one step foward, two steps back. Maybe its all the liquor that gets consume and the overwhelming feeling that OMG sooo many people!

Ok I apologize, going off on a tangent from the question at hand. Let me explain you my lable...

Age Group of 21-25 The word boyfriend girlfriend is applied after you have been with that particular person for over four months and no one else. Does not mean you've met that person four months ago, but when you actually stoped seeing other people, reserve your time to spend with that specific individual. Usually go out to including but not limited to: Bars, movies and maybe the occasional wine and dine.

Age Group 26+ I feel that most people may start to hear a little voice in their head... usually saying... hmmm, what time is it... [8:00pm]... hmmm what day is this... [Friday/Saturday Night] hmmm... how old am I... 35 ... hmmm ... Dangit... I'm bored... WTF!!! *Mental Scream*
But of course we deal with it... we usually keep it bottled inside, and maybe talk about it with our other girlfriends or guyfriends about it... alittle chat, but nothing that is really from the heart or the soul. Well at least this is an example of these lonley other Co-Workers that are female age range from 26-35ish. But at that age, they Find things to keep them busy and maybe not have to face what they are thinking of by keeping their body busy and moving about with other things.

Common sense>> The fear of being alone forever and ever seems to be something that crosses everyone's thouught. From this, each person can takes it differently, either take and learn or nope, haven't learned yet. This is important to the boyfriend girlfriend issue because Why, lable someone as my boyfriend, when I'm in my 30s and he or she is still out seeing outer people... Or, I've only been seeing this person for a month... how can anyone really know someone in one month? or two? I would personally consider this person my "Friend" still, I'm not sure, I like the person, but where is this going? I think the word "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" doesnt really exist at this time. The lable boyfriend and girlfriends may apply after maybe a year of just exclusively seeing each other.


To conclude, boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't exist pass a certain point, you become a "friend" until your actually engaged to that person than you have your official title, Fiance... Something more solid, more than just a small title of boyfriend and girlfriend. But than again, it all varies with each individual. Some people like the lable of boyfriend and girlfriend, the title itself is childish I agree with the posted above, but some people like the feeling of falling head over heels about someone. Making them feel young again. So yeah... well, guess that doesn't really help much with the Thread... but hey, typeing and thinking, typing and thinking...

Friday, May 5, 2006 - 7:26 PM PDT

Name: Ty

yeah... sorry if i just wasted everyone's time that actually read all that and got absolutely nothing out of it... sorry =/

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