Seven years?

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7?

No way, that’s too long. Way too long to have not seen my friend, my dad.

It feels like forever and yesterday in the same gut wrenching ache that I’ve gotten used to feeling when I think of you, which is always. Always. Sometimes I think you are haunting me. I think about you every day, several times a day. You are in my blood. And to have gone seven years of not seeing you, with no reward or time out for how well I’ve dealt with it, or tried to. Just more pain, more years of not being able to hang with my best friend. More silent jokes that don’t receive your wise ass comments back, more Mondays without you to talk to.

I hate this date. Today is when everything changed for me but stayed the same for so many others. You and my mom had warned me that was how it would feel, it’s how you felt when you two lost Serina. Serina. I hope you’ve gotten to see her again. I hope that if you can’t be with this daughter that you’re with your other, my sister. It’s only fair I guess, she only had three years with you, I had 17. Man, I was so young, so confused. I wish I could go back and hug that version of myself. Hell, if i'm wishing I wish my father was still alive and healthy.

I can still remember finding out. I was supposed to see you that day, after school. We probably would have went to Sams and the Chinese Buffet. I cried at lunch thinking about if you died, even before I knew anything. A premonition? I’ve always found that weird…and magical. How did I always know you would never live to see me graduate? How did I know I would find out almost the exact same way I had thought of? Why did I cry at lunch? Were you giving me a heads up some how?

Thankfully, in terms of grief, the last five months haven’t been as bad as the prior six years and seven months without you. Maybe I’m getting used to it? I hope not, I don’t want to forget. Well, forgetting the pain would be nice, but I’d never forget all our memories. I know that. There are too many. I am you.

I met someone. Someone special and I’ll always regret that you couldn’t have met. His humor reminds me of yours and in that sense it feels like you’ve been around somehow these last five months. I try to tell him and everyone who hasn’t met you, who you are. I tell stories of us. I even imitate your voice when I say your parts. Ha, I can almost see your head shake at the idea.

I love you dad. I love you for teaching me so much even through your mistakes. I love that you got me. I love that I could go to you about shit.

I’m sorry you had so many hard times. I’m sorry you couldn’t be here now for the good. I’m sorry.

I’ll continue to make you proud dad. You’ll always be with me, you’re apart of me. I am you.

Christina from Grey's Anatomy: "There's a club. The dead dad's club and you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize, but until you feel that loss. My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club."

George: "I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."

Christina: "Yeah, that never really changes."

PS: The Art of Making Pizza With My Dad  Don't worry, this post is more upbeat.

Shot through the heart

I had my first wheatgrass shot yesterday, which technically was the first shot that I ever had that wasn't alcohol or NyQuil. Jamba Juice, which I love, sells 1 oz and 2 oz shots of wheatgrass, which the company dubs, "liquid sunshine in one little shot!" 

I've often seen people order the tiny green shots served on little treys  and have heard about it's health benefits, but I had never tried it. So, with the encouragement of a colleague, I ordered a 1 oz shot and watched as they cut a handful of grass at the roots of a growing plant paddy and put the contents into a grinder press. Then the resulting liquid was collected in a tiny plastic container and the freshly squeezed mulch of grass was collected and tossed. (I wonder if they use the particles in a compost for growing new wheatgrass...hmm). 

I then received the shot accompanied with and an orange wedge as if I was taking a tequila shot or something.  It took me three sips to drink the little ounce and then I happily bit into the sweet orange. When asked how it tasted all I could say was "grassy." It smelt and tasted like fresh grass (and yes, I've tasted grass before). It was sweet and not terrible though. Not something I would normally enjoy but considering the health benefits of wheatgrass I think I can handle a 1 oz shot of it once and awhile. 

What benefits? Wheatgrass supposedly is an all-natural detoxifier loaded with 23 essential and non-essential amino acids, enzymes, phytonutrients, vitamin K, folic acid, potassium, selenium, vitamin C and other powerful antioxidants to neutralize free radicals, aid in healthy complexion and digestion.

Wheatgrass juice boasts 60% of the body's recommended daily allowance for vitamin K in a one-ounce shot and 120% in a two-ounce shot (other sources include broccoli, soybeans, brussel sprouts and cabbage). Vitamin K is necessary for blood clotting and bone formation and may help prevent osteoporosis. It's supposed to provide natural energy as well.

I didn't feel like I received a shot of espresso, but considering I hardly eat veggies I did feel healthier for drinking it, even if it was only in my mind. 

Ski School

I still can't get over the fact that I went from looking at the Pacific Ocean to snow capped mountains in just a two and half hour drive and not even going to another state or boarding an airplane. Crazyness, but I love it.

Friday evening after work and dinner, we headed to Big Bear Lake for a skiing weekend. I've been skiing since I was four-years-old, while my boyfriend had only been once in an unsuccessful venture. However, I got him to try it again despites his claims that "Mexicans don't ski" and his fears of being late to the game. My mother, after all, had learned to ski  at the same time as I was but she was 31. 

We stayed at a really cute bed and breakfast only a half a mile away from one of the two mountains nearby, Snow Summit. Raphael was scheduled for a beginners ski lesson but I tried giving him my own lessons on the bunny hill before and after, which I think really helped him because he was  in control and stopping easily. It wasn't easy trying to explain the movements I was doing since it had been a long time since I was being taught, but I tried my best. 

The second day and another ski school lesson and more private instructions from me, he was really skiing. I can't believe he got it so fast, he was turning and following my leisurely zig zag motions down the beginner hills with ease, and he only fell once the whole time. I was quite impressed and eager to do more and looking forward to skiing together again. The town was also charming. 

Oh and I got new snow goggles since my Oakley's were still back on the East coast, these ones are a clear pink and by Crush. I should have gotten them the first day though, since I got a sun burn from wearing just regular sunglasses and no sunblock. 

Extra: If you live in Chicago and Greater Illinois, Kansas, Los Angeles, Miami, New York City or Tampa Bay you can buy your own Valentine's Day gift this year and get expensive spa treatments for only $59 at famous local places in honor of national heart month (Feb). Go to PrettyCity.com/love to find out where.  

Found on the Venice boardwalk

Since moving to Venice Beach, I've likened its vagabond roots and earthy feel to a West Coast East Village. The boardwalk, which doesn't have boards, but travels along the beach and looks almost like Coney Island minus the gangs and the homeless people here wear less clothes. In fact, in the 1890’s, Abbot Kinney dreamed of transforming a deteriorating marshland west of Los Angeles into a renaissance resort that he called the "Coney Island of the Pacific." He also envisioned a resort town culturally reminiscent of Venice, Italy, complete with canals, gondolas, amusement piers, hotels and Venetian-styled structures. Over the years, Venice, CA, became the birthplace of the musical group The Doors, which is why there's a mural in tribute to the band along the beach here. Now, instead of rides and games at this boardwalk though, you have artists selling their wares or "performers" asking for tips, dozens of tattoo shops, palm readers, Chinese massage tents, muscle beach, rollerbladers and well, you name it.

Here are some colorful photos I took of a woman selling Mexican Dia de los Muertos items. We bought one of the male crosses for our wall and the skull photo makes for a great desktop wallpaper on my laptop.

 

 
Video: Totally unrelated, but it's been cracking me up for over a week now, it gets better as it goes on, Simba meets Kelly remix 

IV and the stomach flu

At 3 a.m. on Sunday I woke up to stomach pains and continued to throw up until the next day for a total of 7 times. I couldn't keep any substance down not even water and I had body aches, so around 5 p.m. I went to a 24 hour clinic. They had me waiting in the waiting room for awhile though, to the point where I was wishing I was just sleeping at home. Being the fainter that I am, I fainted on the floor in their hallway there, which although sucked did prompt my care from them. I was wheeled into a room and put on a cot after throwing up one last time.

The doctor said I probably had the stomach flu and that he already diagnosed seven other people today with the same thing. He ordered blood work to be done and an intravenous fluid to be put in. I was so dehydrated though that they couldn't draw blood, so they had to try in two areas. All the while I'm trying not to faint again from the needles and my body aches were feeling even worse by the fact that I was shaking uncontrollably. I was given two bags of I.V., which felt so weird and uncomfortable. I could literally feel the freezing liquid spread throughout me. They had to put an extra blanket on me. I was there for 4 hours. It was miserable and was taking forever. In the end I was told I had the a stomach virus after all and given a drug to stop the vomiting. I was also told to stay home from work and to keep hydrated. Now that it's not coming right back up, it's been easier to do.

I've slept most of today and last night. I don't recall ever sleeping so much, but I guess my body needs it since I keep doing it. *sigh* Hopefully I can get back to work tomorrow, but if I feel like I do today, I doubt I'd be able.

News: Stomach-churning virus on the rise, here and across the U.S.